Trigger warning: Suicide It was 3:19 or 3:20 or perhaps 3:21 am. She always preferred digital clocks, more precision and less mental clutter. Besides grounding herself in time, she also knew she was home, in her bed and had forgotten to switch off the lights, the previous night. Space and time – ticked off! Not … Continue reading Where is what you seek?
I want to be a man so that when I am single I am celebrated so that when I have skin showing I am not labelled a whore so that I can wear lipstick without asking for it so that I can choose to not have kids so that I can get those higher positions … Continue reading I want to be a man!
I developed a burning desire to experience the dating world. I chose tinder as my experimental ground. I was very nervous about how the society would perceive me because I was aware of the dominant narrative around tinder which is basically “dtf”. I disregarded my reservations which were, of course, second-hand opinions of the moral … Continue reading 30 first dates in 30 days
I was tidying my closet and discovered a bundle of undelivered letters and a diary with pages after pages filled with bleeding words, skillfully tied together with a black ribbon. I untied it. The cover of the diary had a very short but powerful scribbled note: Dear Future self, I do not think I will … Continue reading I loved you
"Just focus on the task at hand", I mindlessly advised an acquaintance and retreated back to the things that concerned my living. The acquaintance went quiet and did not challenge my valueless advice. It took me a couple of minutes to understand what I had done. I had given advice when none was required. Once … Continue reading Thou shalt not give unsolicited advice
Sister left for India today. 11:00 pm I was taking my shoes off, ready to retire to bed, when I saw a coffee cup in my rubbish bin. The first thing that crossed my mind was that someone must have broken into my house because hot coffee is not my cup of tea. It took … Continue reading The coffee cup and the cameras!
"I can wipe away all your history", the kind person said. "What do you mean?" I asked "You will have no memory of the tragic events in the days gone by. I am asking you to sell me your demons", offered the kind person “No thank you! My demons are not for sale” Once upon … Continue reading My demons are not for sale
I often wonder what my silence means, whether it speaks, whether it screams. I often wonder whether you listen when I am silent in my screams and screaming in silence. I often wonder what you'd do with the weight of my silence, maybe you'd understand that it has a reason. Maybe you'll beseech it to … Continue reading I often wonder
I woke up in a garbage compound today. Again. For the 320th million times. One may ask, how do I get there? Well! As it happens to be, it is where I live. Ohhhhhhh!!!!! Everyone gets it now. I swear I cleaned the house 9 days ago. Just 9 days ago. So, naturally, I was … Continue reading How to clean your house and keep it that way – FOREVER!
A love affair in a toy store I fell in love with a beautiful dressing table as soon I laid my eyes on it. It was half my size and had a tiny door. The shopkeeper must have followed the sparkle in my eyes, he brought it close to me and opened the tiny door … Continue reading My mother
2 am - denounced even by the unhinged minds. The voices in the head grew colder and crueler. Who are you? A human? "Fragmented, befallen, burden," they chanted together. "Ignore them for they feed on your fears and indecisiveness," a voice of hope. One more day. A new sun will rise tomorrow. A new sun rose … Continue reading Prisoner of time
A week ago, I was having a cup of coffee in a random coffee shop when I saw two people talking to each other. What is remarkable about two people having a cup of coffee and talking? Nothing and yet it inspired a whole series of unintentional events. Their conversation was drowned by the geographical … Continue reading Harry Potter and other random things!
“At thirty-four Rumi was an acknowledged leader of men. His life was the life of a learned orthodox professor addressing vast audiences on religion, jurisprudence and morals. He lived simply, studied deeply and lectured eloquently. His circle of disciples was already becoming unwieldy.” She was directionless. She had no ambition in life. She did not … Continue reading Making sense through Rumi!
“A door, you said?” “What must I do? How do I open it? What’s behind it? How will I get to it?” Before she knew, it had all begun. The quest of opening the doors. She was passionate, oblivious, full of life and fully-packed for an unknown adventure. And with relative ease, she found the door. … Continue reading One must imagine her happy
"Watch the sunrise” has been on my to-do-before-I-die list for a very long time. My excuse was that life was happening. And of course, it was, but still, it was not good enough to not witness one of the absolutely majestic displays of nature. I had recently gained some confidence in my adventurous explorations and in that … Continue reading I found gold!
I am not a Muslim Nor am I an Atheist And yet, I am the Kafir who seeks Union I am not a Pakistani Nor am I a Kiwi And yet, my soul is Eastern and my mind Western I am not connected Nor am I relation-less And yet, I am my Mother’s love and … Continue reading Who am I?
I wake up to the sound of Fajr azan (The call for prayer) and in extreme confusion get to the balcony. Azan and New Zealand, it just does not make any sense. The sky is darker than usual. Before I could establish anything further about my surroundings, I hear a loud, high-pitched siren indicating that … Continue reading Declaration in a dream
The context I had a big problem. I was becoming my own enemy. I was coming in my own way. I was auto-destructive. I tried to outsmart myself by thinking that I was in solitude but I was killing myself with the self-imposed exile. I was lonely. Lonely as fuck. I was trapped in my … Continue reading There and back again – A tale of solitude
Steps merge, earth moves, magic happens. The 5 am walks are liberating and tranquil and the 8 pm walks are observant and deliberate. Sometimes I think and my thoughts are loud, Sometimes I stand still and pretend I am one in the series of tall standing trees, Sometimes I listen to the wind whispering or the … Continue reading Mushrooms, fairies and walking
A fascinatingly bothersome question. I am sure one would say, “You reap what you sow”. What I do today will be my life tomorrow. But, isn't that just part of the equation though and perhaps a gross oversimplification. There is much more to it. It will be propelled by the conscious and the subconscious choices … Continue reading What will “I” be?
The first thing one could notice about him was the shape of his mouth - thinly carved lips over a full mouth. The green mystical eyes would always be the next, not that the color of his eyes had any importance, what was captivating was how his soul laid bare through that medium. One could … Continue reading Destruction in shining Armour!