I often wonder

I often wonder what my silence means, whether it speaks, whether it screams.

I often wonder whether you listen when I am silent in my screams and screaming in silence.

I often wonder what you’d do with the weight of my silence, maybe you’d understand that it has a reason.

Maybe you’ll beseech it to loosen.

Maybe you’ll embrace it,

or maybe you’ll walk away with it.
I often wonder what my silence means, is it pain as too long it has been.

Maybe it was never mine to keep,

maybe you were meant to peep.

But maybe it was nowhere to be seen and you decided you weren’t after all so keen.

And maybe I should’ve let it rest so why did I put these sleeping demons to test?

Now I don’t wonder at all, my silence silences my silent screams.

It lets me be undisturbingly serene.

If maybe you were to see me now, you’d wonder what I’d say and how.

I’d look at you with silent eyes and challenge you to embrace this abyss.

12 thoughts on “I often wonder

  1. Beautiful reality. Other than talking about abuse and other traumatic issues, I’m a talker. I don’t know what takes of me but get in a vehicle or in hospital and I NEVER shut up. When I suffering of depressed I’m quite but that’s not a choice I make. I’ve had complications with men because I don’t look for one type. I will the quite type until a belly of beer is not my type. My count, more men have left me than I them. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear M,
      Thank you for comment. It is difficult to talk about certain aspects of our lives and silence seems like the only option. That is a sad reality too 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You can already read about others difficulties and grow from. It’s not an easy task. The emotion in you voice is haunting, I wish you to best. Check out my other site http://www.survivorsbloghere.wordpress.com It’s a community blog of great writers share their struggle to move forward or how they’ve taken a step. Each struggle with different backgrounds. May not be a good fit but worth a look. I’m glad to talk offline msandorm@verizon.net. I make the offer sometimes because who wants there difficult bits all over the internet.
        Be well my friend.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for sharing this, I will definitely look into it 🙂 Also, will be sending you an email shortly


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