Who am I?

I am not a Muslim

Nor am I an Atheist

And yet, I am the Kafir who seeks Union

I am not a Pakistani

Nor am I a Kiwi

And yet, my soul is Eastern and my mind Western

I am not connected

Nor am I relation-less

And yet, I am my Mother’s love and the forsaken lover

I am not an individual

Nor am I part of the society

And yet, I use the “I” and wear a mask every day

I do not belong in the past

Nor am I my future

And yet, I crave for what is no longer and plan for what is not

I am not the choices that I make

Nor am I your imposition

And yet, I am imprisoned by the illusions and chained by your dictation

I am not the words from the books that I have read

Nor am I the experiences that I have experienced

And yet, I am every turned page and I happened and passed and concretized in those moments

I am not a philosopher enough to philosophize

Nor am I ignorant enough to ignore

And yet, I am that ignorant philosopher who philosophizes to ignore

I am not in the crowd

Nor am I my solitude

And yet, I am the loneliness that exists among the masses

I do not exist

And yet, everything around me is a testimony of my existence

I exist in the half-empty coffee cups

In the incomplete writings

In the fragrance from my clothes

In the ticking of the clock

In the paintings on my wall

In the books on my shelf

In the conversations with my Mother

In the tears that fall

In the smiles that light

In the conflicts

In my search

In harmony

In peace

In love

I am nothing

And yet, I am everything